Expect the Unexpected

Our donor got pregnant. How very dare she! I won’t lie, I was a mess for a good 2-3 days after getting that news early last week. So much rides on a donor cycle, it’s not just the cycle outcome, it’s your career, your next steps as a family, it’s the size of the house you’re looking to move into next – it’s all of that. So all that flashes before your eyes when something changes – this time it also effects my daughter, she won’t have a full genetic sibling and for that I’m really sorry. So after the tears stopped about 3 days later I realised we have three options moving forward.

  1. Use our 2 x 3AB blastocycsts from our cycle last year with our second donor
  2. Do another full fresh cycle with a new donor (proven only – I’d be freakin’ ruthless)
  3. Call it a day and be happy with our lot.

My hesitation with option 1 is that out of 3 transfers (and 6 embryos) no recipient has seen a positive result myself included with that donor, for me that doesn’t bode well. I just have a feeling we’ll be spending good money after bad with that option. Add to this, she’s been in a committed relationship for 5 years not using contraception and has never had a ‘whoops’ moment of pregnancy and I’m suspicious about egg quality. Also we would only transfer 1 embryo at a time (we don’t want twins) with each FET costing us $4-5k when you multiply that by two trips potentially we are almost at the cost of new fresh cycle.  Also we were going to pay for a fresh/full cycle with my daughters donor (this is my reasoning to my husband) so it’s not like we hadn’t budgeted those costs into our lives already.

I really don’t know… I’m so sick of bleeding money over this. Sick of thinking about protocols, jabbing clexane and all the rest. I just want to blink and it be BT day. I’ve done this so.many.freakin.times ….

Tell me in the comments guys … what would you do?

 

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5 thoughts on “Expect the Unexpected

  1. Welcome back to blog land! My question would be , did you get PGS testing on those original embryos? Are donor was also proven multiple times but here we are on our fifth attempt with the blastocysts we already have ( as we can’t afford the $17,000 for a fresh cycle with another donor)… seems like there’s no guarantee no matter what you do… Aren’t I helpful?? 🙂

    • No PGD on the embryos we have… my specialist here said it wasn’t worth it on such young eggs so we didn’t do it.
      I have found another donor, and my husband has reluctantly agreed to another fresh cycle, but I kind of feel I’m pushing it at this point? Maybe just the way I’m feeling today who knows?
      I think we’ll do one more fresh cycle – this donor has a son and has donated once before resulting in twins… I’m just waiting for confirmation from the clinic that these stats are correct and then I’ll be pushing the button on another cycle.
      Have been thinking of you … so hard to get that positive snatched away from you x

      • I can’t believe they told you it wasn’t worth it just because the donor was young… 25 to 40% of all embryos no matter what the age of the mother have chromosomal issues ( if they didn’t the pregnancy rates would be even higher than they are). I would definitely then use the new donor and have those embryos tested so you know the ones that you were putting in are actually chromosomally perfect – grading of blastocysts is completely subjective and doesn’t have a strong correlation to overall success because it’s just a visual, and cannot tell if it’s actually a good quality embryo chromosomally. Our donor was in her late twenties and we got 13 supposedly good quality blastocysts out of it that we did not have tested and the first five embryos have been fails ( the fourth and fifth ending in miscarriage). If I had it to do over again I absolutely would have them tested if I had known it existed so that I could only be working with the ones that were chromosomally normal.

        There’s a good article on it here: http://www.advancedfertility.com/pgs-ivf-genetic-testing.htm.

  2. Yeah I know… it’s another $3k… I think I’ll rest that idea a bit until our wallet recovers and bring it up with the husband closer to our cycle time in Jan… hopefully by then we will have sold our house so will have some extra funds.

  3. This is so tough….what would I do? Well, it’s what I have done, which is one and done. But I don’t know what is best for you. All I can say is that there is a lot of adjusting and healing and moving on to do once the decision to have one child has been made, and it feels good to be in that process right now while also able to focusing on other things. I wish you the best of luck in making your decision! Keep us posted.

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