Lining Scan

Lining check went really well thankfully and currently sitting at 8.7mm which is great. I like the doctors confidence in saying ‘so lets get E a sibling!’.  So it’s transfer for me on Wednesday at 11.15! It all feels a bit surreal at the moment that I could possibly be pregnant again by the end of next week. I better get in a few wines between now and then, but in all honesty I have a bit of traveler’s tummy so have been laying very low.

I had a massage yesterday which wasn’t all that good, and I was stressed that she was running behind and I had an hour between appointments to get to the clinic, stressed that I had no phone to call a cab after the clinic and just a bit stressed that I had my lining scan coming up and would my body finally be doing the right thing by me?  And also the masseuse was not very good, so probably not the best time for a massage.  To add insult to injury, at the end of the massage she did a head massage but her hands were full of oil, so I came out looking like someone had just dropped my hair in a deep fryer and had to hightail it to the clinic looking like that! Gross.

Getting around has been stressful… tried to leave the hotel with Uber only to promptly find my account has been banned. I’m not sure how this is even possible when I’ve never actually used it? I’ve just installed the app and put my paypal on file. So running a bit behind and not having the time to deal with it I asked the hotel to get me a cab and this lovely guy drives up – I jump in and he drives me to the clinic. He takes my room number to chargeback to the hotel and advises he is the hotel cab driver. That’s great I think and go to my appointment.  After the appointment I get the clinic to call me a cab to go back to the hotel.  Later in the afternoon I want to go to the waterfront so again ask the hotel to call me a cab… and the guy from this morning pulls up… turns out he had actually waited for me outside the clinic to drive me back to the hotel. I had no idea he was going to do that and felt terrible… but at the same time, he wasn’t very clear. I don’t like the idea of someone waiting for me, i like to do things in my own time. But ended up using him to get back to the hotel again as I still had no phone. Using him was no cheap exercise though at  $360R which is about $36 AUD – we did get stuck in traffic on our return but I can’t help but think a normal cab would have been cheaper. If only Uber would bloody work, I’m sure that would be cheaper still. I still haven’t heard back from them.

So it’s 2am here, or it was when I woke up. I got back to the room thinking I’d have some room service dinner and watch a movie on my laptop but passed out at 7pm on the bed with the tv on… and woke up at 2am… now I’m starving and all I have to eat are some lollies I bought the other day. I don’t think my stomach will forgive me if I do that to it, so it’s cups of tea until breakfast starts at 6am. I’m hoping I can get another nap in before then though.

I picked up my Gestone/PIO/progesterone in oil shots yesterday – 10 weeks worth … the nurse said to me ‘ýou’re a brave woman taking on 10 weeks of this!’, but I did it last time and felt much more secure in using the injections over crinone. I have enough padding on my arse to buffer most of the injections, but I have to say I’m not looking forward to doing them myself. I’m used to giving myself needles but these ones are big and I have to twist around to do it and can only inject in a specific part of your butt cheek so that you don’t hit a major blood vessel, I got her to draw the quadrants on my arse in marking pen so I can just aim and shoot so to speak, I’m sure I’ll get used to it.

I’m catching up with a couple of ladies and their hubby’s  from the forums tomorrow night which should be good. It’s always good to have a de-brief on these cycles. Last year we met up with a few other couples and had a great couple of dinners out. It’s funny but the men got as much out of it as the women – they take on just as much as us in this infertility caper and I think sometimes we forget. It was great to hear them talking about all the wacky trying to conceive stuff they had done over the years and just how bizarre their wives can become in this process (present company very much included). It should be a good night.

In news from the home front, hubby reported that E woke up with a wind episode and Grandma lost it saying she should go to hospital! No love, she just needs some good farts and she’ll be fine. I also suggested to the husband that Grandma might like to hold off on the yoghurt for a while as perhaps that’s not helping things. Poor little mite, apparently she’s back to her (good) self today, but I had to laugh at Grandma’s reaction.  I think she’ll be very glad for me to return next week somehow.

Back in Cape Town

It’s almost 5am and I’ve just woken up after 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep. You would think this would make me happy but I miss my family, more than I actually thought I would. It started before I’d even left Australia, waiting to board my first flight there were babies everywhere and my heartstrings were tugging. By the time I got to Johannesburg I was ready to cry at the drop of a hat, but when it really hit me was when I opened the door to my hotel room in Cape Town and looked around thinking, it’s all well and good. But they aren’t here.

While I waited for my room to be ready yesterday morning I Skyped with them quickly, but it was hard to hear in the foyer with waterfalls and some rennovations going on, so I’m hoping that we might be able to connect soon and have a chat.  Leaving Edie was hard. I cried in the days leading up to departing, I cried most of the morning that I actually left. Poor kid must have been wondering why I was squeezing her so tight every 10 minutes.  I didn’t get much of a reaction on Skype which isn’t surprising given the quality of the call, but I think it would have been worse for me if she looked like she desperately missed me!

I’ve had trouble getting my phone set up here and I feel very anxious about it, I don’t like being a foreign country without mobile internet or at the very least calling ability. I wanted to use Uber to get around and can’t do that without internet… I’m so dependent on internet now, once it’s gone it’s like someone has chopped an arm off! I have free wifi in the hotel thank god or I would have gone into a real decline. One option is to buy a really cheap base level smart phone here, which is seeming like a good option and just use my phone for browsing etc. while in the hotel.

I have to remind myself why I am here (to be honest, while I do all this touristy type of stuff it’s easy to forget!) it’s my lining scan today and I’m hoping it’s looking good. That’s my first hurdle and the next is hoping like crazy that my embryos thaw. I’m wondering, if my lining looks good today if we have to wait until the 3rd to transfer… I’m not sure, I guess the synarel would have to leave my system and the gestone/progesterone would need to build up, so I think I’ve answered my own question there.

Cape Town was very dark and gloomy when I arrived in and didn’t improve much most of my first day. The mountain sets the eco system for the hotel where I’m staying – it can be sunny one side of the city near the bay but the mountain can be foggy and wet. It’s funny though, it was still about 19 degrees here yesterday so I was running around in my flip flops most of the day, all the locals were in sweaters and boots… I’m thinking it doesn’t get all that cold here.  I walked up to the shopping mall to get some tea and milk for my room as I like a few cuppas throughout the day – and was sweating when I got there as I took cues from the locals as to what to wear. At one point in the vodacom shop I thought I might have caught something on the plane and would be sick again for the whole holiday/cycle… and trust me ebola did cross my mind (they infrared screen your temperature at the j’burg airport now) but thankfully all that was needed was a good 12 hour sleep and a shower.

I think by the time I got to bed I’d been up about 31 hours.  Funny how having a baby primes you for international travel though, I didn’t even start to feel a bit off until I hit about 29 hours. I’m sleep deprivation fit now baby! Last time my husband almost had to pour me off the plane I was so wrecked.

So my day today will be pretty tame, I have a massage booked at 10am then my lining scan is at the clinic at midday, after that I might head to the waterfront for a look around as there are craft markets down there have some lunch and head back to the hotel in the early afternoon. I intend to get out and about a bit in the day and have most evenings in the hotel catching up on movies and sleep. I think I might actually do the Robben Island tour of Nelson Mandela’s prison this time as I didn’t get to do it last time I was here and it will break things up a bit next week.

Ok hotel breakfast is beckoning me now… how I’ve missed those!

Midnight Rambler…

Hello Synarel my old friend… I thought you were doing me right this cycle but you sure done me wrong tonight!

I had been going along really well for a few days now with no major stomach cramping or issue, then out of the blue tonight at about midnight (when I went to hop into bed) I got the worst leg aches and cramps. My legs have not ached like this since I was a chef and had pulled a 18 hour double shift, and let me assure you I did nothing so physical today to warrant these cramps.

So here I am at 1am running a bath, chucking in magnesium oil, downing a couple of neurofen and squirting in E’s sleepytime bath for good measure. 30 mins later and I feel like a new woman… well maybe still an old woman with newer legs.

It’s amazing how cycles and side effects can differ from each cycle. I don’t remember having so many issues on the last donor egg cycle. I remember having migraines for a few days – I had one killer one on the plane over to Cape Town that just wouldn’t budge (I hope that doesn’t happen again) but that’s about it. Maybe if I go back and read over my blog I’ll be reminded but I don’t think so.

We’ve had a rough day in general here – E has had an intermittent rash on her torso, first I thought it was egg allergy as it came up after her first try of eggs a couple of weeks ago. But then it was flared up last night and we’d had no eggs. So I booked her into the GP today to put my mind at rest – I didn’t want to be worrying about her the whole time I’m away… I didn’t get any answers though, could be heat rash we think but I got a referral to a pediatric allergist and will book her in for when I’m back and she how she goes with less clothing/swaddling at night. I hate not knowing. I hate that GP’s are often guessing at what the issue is as much as I am.   I also used the GP opportunity to get her next vaccinations done and her meningococcal B booster – in the past she’s been ok with these and just a bit more sleepy… not so tonight. It was a 4 hour ordeal to get her to sleep tonight poor little button. I can hear her stirring now so will likely have to give her a top up bottle and change no doubt.

Aside from all of this, I’m doing ok. Getting my head around travelling solo… I’ve not really done it before despite being pretty much independent/solo girl for the better part of my life. Every time I’ve been overseas I’ve been with either my parents or one of my husbands (that made me sound like Elizabeth Taylor, but there’s only been two and I’m still with number two…). I also don’t like flying alone. I like to think I have the ones I love with me (if I go, we all go) and someones hand to squeeze if I get extra nervous. I pity the person sitting beside me and I hope they like their hand held.

The trip in general is consuming me at the moment. God help us all in the two week wait. I think I’ll go spare.  I keep thinking it likely won’t work and then in the next moment I think “why wouldn’t it?”. Could I actually be that lucky?

Bleed Free, Pain Free!

Oh thank God I feel normal again. I have had a pretty shitty week in regard to how I’ve been feeling health wise, thankfully I feel good again. I think it was my body fighting the drugs and trying to have a normal period and the estrogen and synarel saying ‘hang on, no you don’t! Shut it down!’  (that’s my very scientific explanation anyway).  So I’m up to 3 tabs of estrogen now so I think I will resume my clexane daily again. Not that I really want to, but just to be on the safe side. I am so bloated too, which is freaking me out, I had to swap back to my preggo undies last night as I couldn’t stand the elastic digging into me of my other ones… I even contemplated dragging out my maternity leggings (and am still tempted today) my tummy is quite tender at the moment I think and I can’t stand anything pressing on it. Other than all those hideous cramps and bleeding (which stopped on Sunday) I’ve been feeling ok considering I’m coming up to 20 days on Synarel… no headaches or migraines which is great.

I’ll drag the suitcase out later today and start getting things organised. I’m really going to miss E. She’s been such a little gem the last couple of weeks and really responding to me and her pappa. I keep hugging her a little tighter every time I think of leaving her. Sure I’m going to love my uninterrupted sleep and just lesuriely shopping while in Cape Town but boy will I miss her and my husband. It’s my first trip anywhwere without them.

No Scratch for You!

I’m still bleeding, just a little now and it’s tapered off about 95% so I’m not too concerned. If I get to Monday and I’m still bleeding, then I will be concerned. On Thursday night I honestly though something was wrong with me as I’ve not had that kind of pain or bleeding flow for two days with my period before. I think stopping the clexane is helping, or maybe that’s just in my head.

So as I said, I was due to have my scratch on Monday but I rang the office and explained what was going on and it’s been cancelled as they can’t do it. ‘give us a call before your next cycle and we’ll do it then’ the receptionist says… hmm love I’m hoping there isn’t going to be a next cycle!  I really should use another fertility specialist for these cycles and if I have to go back will do so, but I thought it would be easier just to go back to her and for the most part it was very easy for scripts etc. but any sort of plan or if something crops up (like a double period) you’re pretty much on  your own and muddling your way through.

Doubling my estrogen today, and then in 3 days time adding more in… I’m kind of wishing that I’d booked a lining scan before leaving, but seriously at that point there’s not much I can do anyway. They will assess my lining in Cape Town and increase my estrogen if need be, I have 4 days between arrival and transfer to tweak things.

In other news, the husband has to go to Europe again in Aug/Sept for a MONTH …. you read that right, a month. What happens in this scenario all depends on what happens with my cycle. If I’m pregnant, I think that I will stay home – and likely move in with the MIL for the month, I did two weeks by myself a couple of months ago and it was hard. She has a small section of the house that was added on for her mother so there is a separate bedroom, sitting room and bathroom at the back of the house that I could use. She would no doubt annoy me, but in all honesty it would be nice to have company and someone to help with Edie sometimes.We’ll see, the husband is doing this while I’m in South Africa so he can tell me how well it actually works in reality. I also don’t want to be overseas if I have bleeding etc. and it’s near impossible to find travel insurance for an IVF pregnancy.   If I’m not pregnant then E and I will go with him, we’ll have a month in Amsterdam and stay in a serviced apartment. So that can be my consolation prize if the cycle is a bust… a month in Europe!  We will head back to SA in October if this is the case and do one more fresh cycle before calling it quits.

Would the Real Aunt Flo Please Stand Up?

So my body is doing that wacky thing again where it does the exact opposite to what I actually need it to do… like hmmm… not bleed while I’m trying to build up my lining. Obviously it did not get the memo.

Here’s a reminder, I took provera to induce my period as my cycle is, well, stupid. AF showed on April 30th, Yippee!  It was a normal period,  ended last week. My blood test for down regulation came back looking great so it was all systems go… then AF arrived again late Tues night. It’s ok  I thought, I’ll just spot for a bit then it will bugger off. Well bugger me it hasn’t. In fact I’ve not bled like this since I was pregnant and think I miscarried one of the embryos.  I have contacted the clinic in SA and they are not concerned and said that it will ease off as my estrogen levels increase, but  then it struck me tonight as I was writhing around in bed with hideous leg and back cramps and wearing a maternity pad, (yes a maternity pad), that I’m on clexane which is probably really not helping me stop bleeding like a stuck pig.  So I will cease clexane until this passes, hopefully without it in my system things will start to clot. I take it as I am heterozygous for Factor V Leiden, and mixing that with estrogen supplementation puts me at greater risk of DVT, but sometimes you’ve just got to do what you’ve got to do. I’m also due to have my endo scratch on Monday.which you’re supposed to do around cycle day 21… I would have been cycle day 19 if it weren’t for the double aunt flo so, now I’m not sure what cycle day I actually am, but I’ll go in anyway, if it’s not the right time to do it then it’s not.

Oddly, I’m not too concerned about all of this… what will be, will be is my motto for this cycle. The SA clinic weren’t at all concerned when I advised them what was going on, but I really do need to buckle down now and get that lining going before my scan on the 29th… bring on the eggs and pomegranate juice.

The Wait of the World

Have I mentioned I hate waiting? Well I do and I’m not very good at it. I tend to obsess over things, especially something as big as trying for a second baby.  I’m excited to be going, but at the same time dreading leaving E for 10 days. She’ll be in the hands of Grandma (and dad but he works about 18 hours a day from home) so mainly grandma. They should be fine, and Grandma is really looking forward to it as hubby will just move into her place for the 10 days, she’s just up the road so it’s the easiest way for him. I joked this morning that I’ll probably return to a baby that sleeps through the night as husband can sleep through anything between midnight and 6am… whereas if she grunts the wrong way I fly out of bed over to the cot to check on her/settle her. Her sleeping really has gone backwards… between about 10w and 16w she would sleep from last feed at about 11pm until 7am…. we hit the 4 month sleep regression and suddenly there’s another feed in there at  anywhere between 2am and 5am and it’s killer. I find lately I don’t get tired until about 1am, so I get to sleep then I’m woken again pretty much soon after, I get up zombie like and feed her, settle hier again and go back to bed. I’m spoilt in that hubby works from home so I give him a kick and say ‘this one is yours’ so he does the morning routine, feed/change and pops her on the play mat for an hour or so,now and I sleep until about 10am. Sounds like I’m lazy but I’m up half the bloody night. Once I am in bed at 1, all I can think about is the cycle in Cape Town.  Oh and I also pulled a muscle on the right side of my back the other night leaping in and out of bed to settle E during the night. Seriously some nights I’m up about 20 times to pat/shoosh her. I’m exhausted!  At least when she was a newbie she would actually sleep for 3 hour stretches when she went down now she’s grunting, wimpering, sometimes crying out in her sleep with a bad dream and I’m on high alert with my mummy ears and jumping up at every sound.  And now, we are starting to teethe, t’s only tiny, but if I run my finger along her gum there’s a sharp little shard poking through. My little girl is growing up 😦 .

I’m having a blood test tomorrow to check I’m down regulated. I start all my other meds and injections on the 13th so not long to go now and the show is really on the road. Then on the 18th I’m having and endometerial scratch which I’m not looking forward to.  We have two embryos left, and I really, really don’t want to end up with twins, not for having two babies at once although that would be hard, but I’m not entirely sure my body could take it.  On the other hand it is a very long way to go for a FET. One embryo is graded 4AB and the other is a pre-blastocyst (so not even quite there) – if they were both top grade there’s no way I’d put two in, but because one in particular is a bit iffy sounding I’m contemplating the two. I guess I will have to see what happens when / if they thaw. The ‘if’ is also doing my head in… so much to worry about. Not enough hours in the day at the moment.