Approaching 43

Yes, forty bloody three. I have to say up until about two weeks ago I was feeling every bit of it too. But something weird has happened since then, I think my pregnancy hormones have finally totally dissipated. I finished breastfeeding early in the new year so it’s taken this long to feel completely ‘normal’. My tendonitis has pretty much completely gone in both hands, my dicky knee is not as sore, my hair has started falling out en-masse which really thickened up during pregnancy. I also got really bitchy to be around for a week or so there (poor hubby). I have more energy and am generally happier.  Just in time to cycle again in two months hehe.  It’s not lost on me that I’ll likely only have one month of feeling totally back to normal before I start on estrogen/synarel again for my cycle in late May.

I’ve not become anxious about the cycle yet – it is far different to the first trip and while there’s a lot riding on it monetarily, I always have E to come home to so I don’t feel as anxious emotionally about it all. I also know that should it fail we will return for another cycle by the end of the year.  It would be fantastic if we didn’t have to, but if need be we’ll go again, and if at that point we are unsuccessful, we’ll call it a day on this ttc caper. So I guess because there’s no feeling of finality to this cycle, there is also no feeling of anxiety.

I’m seeing my specialist next week to get everything checked out, I’d be really interested to see where my hormones are at. I’ve still not had a period and I stopped breastfeeding around Jan 1, so I’m hoping we’ll get me on some provera to get things going in the right direction.

Husband is off to Amsterdam on Saturday – and E is now a bit more manageable and happy in herself so I’m not petrified of being left alone with her for two weeks straight. There is no way we would have gotten her passport organised in the time frame we had so she and I will just stay home and hang out.  I always have Grandma up the road to take her if I want to escape to lunch by myself one day or just need a break, but given how much fun she has been in the last 4 or so days, I’ll want to keep her to myself.

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