I’m having flashbacks to my last own egg pregnancy, but even with that one I didn’t bleed at all until the night before my D&C at about 8.5 weeks.
I’ve had barely any sleep since returning home from SA on Thursday night. Once I saw a second line my mind was racing. both with the wonderful possibilities and the the paralyzing fear of failure that only a positive home pregnancy test and a crapload of jetlag can bring a few days before your beta.
I was only sleeping in two hour increments, then I would wake up bolt upright and not be able to go back to sleep. On Friday night I slept from 10 pm until midnight, then I was wide awake until 2 pm the next day. Ridiculous. Trust me it wasn’t for the lack of lying down in dark comfy spaces, nor the lack of lavender oil, absolutely no coffee and only low caffeine tea as my new beverage of choice. But wide awake I was. And then there was blood on the toilet paper at 3am.
My rational mind was cool with it. It’s only a pink tinge, I wouldn’t really call that blood. Perfectly natural, there’s so much burrowing and snuggling in going on in your uterus, it’s bound to happen. Go back to bed.
And so I did. And thought about that bleeding…
Fast forward to about 1 pm Saturday, in the toilet again and this time there was blood and not tingey blood you can palm off. Blood. Mind you I was kind of checking for it but it wasn’t hard to find. Cue major overtired/emotional freakout with tears and doomsday outlook. I ended up turning to my forum support network for reassurance and the girls rallied . I also contacted the clinic in SA to see if they would suggest anything like perhaps upping my progesterone. But I knew they would say it was a ‘wait and see until beta’ situation and they did. They also said it’s quite common and could be caused by implantation. My rational head knows all this. My newly pregnant, freak-out-is-this-a-chemical state of mind doesn’t give a shit so I use a Crinone – I’m currently on Gestone injections as my progesterone support and I’ve never used it before. I’ve heard you can’t have too much progesterone, but you can have too little, so I think fuck it, what’s the harm using Crinone twice until I can do beta and speak to my doctor on Monday morning.
And the bleeding seems to have stopped. I’m having mild cramping, pulling, tugging still on and off. But after five hour solid sleep on Saturday night it seems to have settled right down. As has my mind. Somewhat.
My FRER evil pee-sticks are growing gradually darker which is reassuring (especially as I’m using diluted as crap pee given my longest stint of sleeping was 2 hours prior to tonight), but my fears is they are uber sensitive and will pick up anything, I think I’ll go out and buy some Clearblue Digitals tomorrow and see the outcome from them.
So you see, dear reader. I’m right back in this pre-beta hell that I was with my own pregnancy back in Nov, but this time with added bleeding! I have to remind myself, these little embies are 22 years old, not 42 so therefore stronger and more robust (surely?) I like to visualise them headbutting their way into my uterine wall and moshing around once there in all their youthful glory, whereas my old geriatric embryos shuffled in with a Zimmer frame in time for a game of canasta and a Harvey Wallbanger.
Monday cannot come quick enough.